Flashback to Vancouver in 2013
Recently, I found myself getting off of a plane in Vancouver and hit by a wave of memories & emotions from the spring of 2013 when my life took a turn in a new direction. If #Chloe4VJ means anything to you, then I want to take a quick minute to express my immense gratitude for being a part of this crazy rollercoaster ride and being with me from the very beginning. It may be a simple hashtag, but it represents so much more. In the fall of 2012, I was in my second degree at McGill University, doing great in school, surrounded by energetic friends and working typical student jobs to make ends meet. On the outside I displayed happiness but on the inside it was a much different story. I had never felt more lost, and yet on such a decisive path - this conflict within myself led me to meet with a mental health professional at McGill and after chatting extensively, we came to the conclusion that a leave of absence would allow me some time to figure things out.
Little did I know that figuring things out would mean many days and nights sitting on the couch in my humble apartment near Atwater in Montreal staring at the TV screen while taking none of it in, tears streaming down my face as I realized that my one anchor in life, the fact that I was a hard-working student, was no long a part of my identity. And then, something happened. On one of those tear-filled days I clicked the remote control in a manner that can only be described as auto-pilot when I happened to land on MuchMusic right as a commercial aired that changed my life.
"...do you want to be the next MuchMusic VJ?"
As I walked through the airport in Vancouver last week, I remembered the flurry of excited and nervous energy I felt when I walked that exact same path three and a half years ago to film the first episode of the reality show that propelled me on a new and exciting journey. I will forever be grateful to that small moment in time when I desperately hoped for a sign and it came in the form of a commercial. On the finale of the MuchMusic VJ Search, I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. I still cross my fingers every single day.
If you smile on the outside, but suffer on the inside, please know that you are not alone. Try to carve out moments to be introspective, to listen to your gut, to trust your instincts and to believe that you are destined for greatness, because trust me, you truly are. Life is filled with a plethora of paths, and it is more than ok if you want to side-step and change paths entirely. If you feel unfulfilled, lost or unsatisfied, be open and ready to receive signs, have the courage to embrace them and the conviction to follow through.